When not making music I find myself still fascinated by The 1900 Sears Roebuck Catalogue (see last week’s column for Part 1), which stocked everything an American (mostly) rural family needed. Exploring its 1100-plus offerings became a national pastime.
While 98% of the merchandise was really useful, charlatans expertly manipulated gullible consumers into purchasing lotions, potions, gadgets n’ gunk supposedly imported from Europe, Asia and Egypt, which were guaranteed to fix what they were coaxed into believing was broken.
Take, for example, the new, improved Rational Body Brace, meant to be constantly worn ‘underneath.’ (See picture, below.) This contraption consisted of thick, adjustable leather straps that wound around the female torso to connect to brass abdominal plates. Described as
the greatest boon to weak, suffering womankind, [it] cured drooping shoulders, weakened internal organs, falling of the womb (?) and bladder afflictions.
But wait! How did the poor thing manage to use the toilet? She’d have to divest herself of outer clothing, petticoat and corset, then remove her strapped-on hinder-bustle and hip pads, which were strapped over the RBB. Then, undo that. Whew! Imagine accomplishing this in the typical outhouse, in the dark. Where would all that stuff be hung while she was, ah, spending a penny? Egad.
Then there was the Princess Bust Developer. This gadget was first cousin to the toilet plunger (see picture below). Its business end was made of nickel and aluminum, and it guaranteed -
the right exercise to the muscles of the bust, to restore normal circulation to flabby, undeveloped parts. Soon restored to a healthy condition, [busts] expand and fill out, becoming round and firm and beautiful.
The accompanying Bust Cream or Food, in a peanut butter-sized jar, further enlarged busts two to six inches. Prospective customers were assured that countless testimonials from grateful users always expressed ‘perfect satisfaction.’ Jeez. Plastic surgeons today would be finished if this wonderful food were re-discovered in some dusty Chicago warehouse…
Consider The 60-Cent Princess Hair Restorer. (Don’t scoff: 60 cents was a lot of money, then.) This marvelous tonic grew hair on bald heads, stopped dandruff and itching, and prevented hair from falling out, or turning gray. Applied properly it produced mountains of lush, gorgeous tresses. (See picture below.)
But the most unnerving offerings were in the Drug Department.
It probably never occurred to ladies (and gents) that they suffered from sub-par complexions until a remedy for their ‘problem’ was discovered. When one consumes Dr. Rose’s French Arsenic Complexion Wafers,
even the coarsest and most repulsive skin and complexion, marred by freckles, moth,(?) blackheads, pimples, vulgar redness and other disfigurements slowly changes into an unriveled purity of texture, free from any spot or blemish whatever. Pinched features become agreeable; facial disfigurements are permanently removed. We recommend ordering one dozen large boxes. Perfectly harmless when used in accordance with our directions, it possesses the “Wizard’s Touch’ in producing, preserving and enhancing beauty in form and person in male and female by developing a transparency and pellucid clearness of complexion, brilliant eyes, soft and smooth skin, where by nature the reverse exits.
All this from pills containing Arsenic! Now, marvel at their Electric Liniment.
By a newly discovered process this liniment is electrically charged by a powerful current of electricity, whereby the ingredients undergo a powerful change, which when applied to the most severe cases of Rheumatism, Frosted Feet, Chilblains, Sprains, Bruises and Growing Pains, effects immediate relief. It never fails in its magical effects. (Emphasis theirs.)
Every product came wrapped in plain brown paper, with a 100% money-back guarantee.
Finally, there was the Egyptian Pile Cure…and pure Spirits of Turpentine - for internal consumption, reason unspecified…gulp. I felt pain after reading all this. The average life span then was 48 years. Consuming/applying this rubbish probably insured a quicker end.
Six years later, in 1906, The American Pure Food and Drug Act was passed by Congress. This single piece of legislation saved many people from skinny wallet syndrome, possible injury - and death.
I guarantee that statement, 100%.
While 98% of the merchandise was really useful, charlatans expertly manipulated gullible consumers into purchasing lotions, potions, gadgets n’ gunk supposedly imported from Europe, Asia and Egypt, which were guaranteed to fix what they were coaxed into believing was broken.
Take, for example, the new, improved Rational Body Brace, meant to be constantly worn ‘underneath.’ (See picture, below.) This contraption consisted of thick, adjustable leather straps that wound around the female torso to connect to brass abdominal plates. Described as
the greatest boon to weak, suffering womankind, [it] cured drooping shoulders, weakened internal organs, falling of the womb (?) and bladder afflictions.
But wait! How did the poor thing manage to use the toilet? She’d have to divest herself of outer clothing, petticoat and corset, then remove her strapped-on hinder-bustle and hip pads, which were strapped over the RBB. Then, undo that. Whew! Imagine accomplishing this in the typical outhouse, in the dark. Where would all that stuff be hung while she was, ah, spending a penny? Egad.
Then there was the Princess Bust Developer. This gadget was first cousin to the toilet plunger (see picture below). Its business end was made of nickel and aluminum, and it guaranteed -
the right exercise to the muscles of the bust, to restore normal circulation to flabby, undeveloped parts. Soon restored to a healthy condition, [busts] expand and fill out, becoming round and firm and beautiful.
The accompanying Bust Cream or Food, in a peanut butter-sized jar, further enlarged busts two to six inches. Prospective customers were assured that countless testimonials from grateful users always expressed ‘perfect satisfaction.’ Jeez. Plastic surgeons today would be finished if this wonderful food were re-discovered in some dusty Chicago warehouse…
Consider The 60-Cent Princess Hair Restorer. (Don’t scoff: 60 cents was a lot of money, then.) This marvelous tonic grew hair on bald heads, stopped dandruff and itching, and prevented hair from falling out, or turning gray. Applied properly it produced mountains of lush, gorgeous tresses. (See picture below.)
But the most unnerving offerings were in the Drug Department.
It probably never occurred to ladies (and gents) that they suffered from sub-par complexions until a remedy for their ‘problem’ was discovered. When one consumes Dr. Rose’s French Arsenic Complexion Wafers,
even the coarsest and most repulsive skin and complexion, marred by freckles, moth,(?) blackheads, pimples, vulgar redness and other disfigurements slowly changes into an unriveled purity of texture, free from any spot or blemish whatever. Pinched features become agreeable; facial disfigurements are permanently removed. We recommend ordering one dozen large boxes. Perfectly harmless when used in accordance with our directions, it possesses the “Wizard’s Touch’ in producing, preserving and enhancing beauty in form and person in male and female by developing a transparency and pellucid clearness of complexion, brilliant eyes, soft and smooth skin, where by nature the reverse exits.
All this from pills containing Arsenic! Now, marvel at their Electric Liniment.
By a newly discovered process this liniment is electrically charged by a powerful current of electricity, whereby the ingredients undergo a powerful change, which when applied to the most severe cases of Rheumatism, Frosted Feet, Chilblains, Sprains, Bruises and Growing Pains, effects immediate relief. It never fails in its magical effects. (Emphasis theirs.)
Every product came wrapped in plain brown paper, with a 100% money-back guarantee.
Finally, there was the Egyptian Pile Cure…and pure Spirits of Turpentine - for internal consumption, reason unspecified…gulp. I felt pain after reading all this. The average life span then was 48 years. Consuming/applying this rubbish probably insured a quicker end.
Six years later, in 1906, The American Pure Food and Drug Act was passed by Congress. This single piece of legislation saved many people from skinny wallet syndrome, possible injury - and death.
I guarantee that statement, 100%.
